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Sam ends the call and Cas puts his cell phone back in the pocket of his beige trenchcoat. To his surprise, Sam kisses him back, pushing Dean onto a chair and straddling him. Not then, not now, not ever.

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He was all dressed up, with a table booked at a fancy restaurant, supposed to go on a date with the girl of his dreams. Over time, you'll probably do it less frequently. Dean watches Sam's face carefully for any sign of pain, and is surprised as he sees a small smile appear on Sam's face.

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Both Sam and Dean are ones to hide how they really feel, but Sam is always the worst at doing so and Dean can easily tell how Sam is really feeling. This story is going to keep switching between seasons three and four a lot, so there is no actual straight timeline in this. Believe me on this, you will hate me at first, but you will soon accept me and everything will change. Sam doesn't say anything to Dean, even though he is being bombarded with questions as Dean wraps a bandage around Sam's arm. The boys head out to the nearest bar that night and Dean instantly starts hitting on a woman, already trying to get into her pants. Cas and all the angels and a lot of the characters from seasons four and five are going to be situated in this story anyway. These are the worst moments for both brothers. Whatever this is, it can't last forever, Dean thinks to himself just before Sam touches Dean's shoulder and brings him out of his thoughts. Dean watches in amazement as his brother ordered a round of shots, and downed two in quick succession. He bangs on the door but gets no answer. Sam lets out a noise that sounds like a scoff, but allows Dean to help him. Sam smiles, and it makes Dean's heart warm because this isn't one of Sam's forced smiles, it is the first real smile that Dean has seen for months. I'm tired of this life and all this work, but I'm still here. Dean's instincts kick in and he grabs a handful of washcloths to try stop the blood flowing from Sam's wrist. Being drunk himself, Sam has the time of his life trying to do so, and he ends up stripped down to his boxers, along with Dean, and sitting on the floor of the shower with the water spraying half on him, half on Dean. I'm still here because of you. It's like an instinct, I guess. This all makes him feel even worse. Bela is not dead. As soon as Sam does so, Dean pulls Sam as close as humanly possible and they both drift off into nightmare ridden sleeps. This is my first official fanfiction on AO3 and Wattpad, and I am hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as I do which is a lot considering that I absolutely love Wincest. Compared to Dean, Sam thinks that he is a person who doesn't deserve anything. Dean then shrugs and does the same, quickly regretting it when his throat burns more than it usually does. His hair is getting longer and needs a cut, and his skins is getting even more pale than usual, making the black bags from his lack of sleep stand out more than Sam likes. Hell, it will probably be one of the worst stories I have ever written. The girls pout sadly and one said something about 'all the hot males being taken'. Jo and Ellen are still alive so is Ash , Gabriel is Bobby isn't in a wheelchair. He turns the Impala's ignition off and runs inside the motel room. Dean hears Sam groan lowly and looks over at his brother, worry clear on his face. This story has many mentions of self harm and mentions of attempted suicide and self harming. That is one creature that Sam wants to kill desperately, in fear that one day Dean will find out and hate Sam forever. He hopes that his brother is finally coming back to him, but he knows that whatever Sam is going through can still be preventing him from fully coming back until it is over. This story is a boyxboy and a wincest fanfiction that has smut in it. Dean forces two of his fingers down Sam's throat, and forces Sam to start throwing up the pills he swallowed. Sam walks out of the bathroom with only a crappy, white hotel towel hanging dangerously low on his hips. You're the only reason that I'm still here. AO3 will be down between Please make sure your email is up to date before then! He is beyond tired, but, at the same time, he is overly paranoid. This story was originally written in past tense-third person and is now being written in present tense-third person, so it kinda sucks. Dean throws the newspaper onto his bed and heads to the bathroom to have a shower himself, leaving Sam to continue looking for a case, after he gets dressed. It makes him not want to sleep, and it almost forces him to keep a watchful eye on his younger brother all night. God, I don't deserve him. The hurt comes from how he feels about Dean, and he is more than disgusted by himself because he knows that his feelings shouldn't be real. Sam's vision lasts longer than before, and it scares Dean. Dean gets a bad feeling as soon as he pulls into the parking lot of the motel. This story has many mentions of self harm cutting and burning , and suicide attempts, and stories of attempted suicide attempts. Sam and Dean Winchester are famous in the hunting world. Sam hears Dean's black '67 Chevy Impala leave the motel parking lot, and he knows that he is alone now. The door of the motel slams behind Dean and Sam sighs sadly. Sam just shrugs it off and gets a beer, drinking half of it in just a few mouthfuls. Fear shoots through him; he feels unbelievably scared and he doesn't know what to do. This is my first official fanfiction on AO3 and is also my first on Wattpad as well , and I am hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as I do which is a lot considering that I absolutely love Wincest. Dean runs over to Sam and holds him until the vision ended, and Sam was Sam again. This is a normal occurrence between the brothers when they were on a hunt, and it hurts Sam more than it should hurt him. Sam flushes and, somehow, forces himself to look away from his half naked brother before something happened that he had no control over. You don't see how broken I am.{/PARAGRAPH} He tapes the washcloths to Sam's arm and drags him over to the shower cubicle. The trouble doesn't start until Sam has to help a very drunk Dean have a shower without injuring anyone. He is understandably confused with everything that Dean had said, but it makes Sam feel that, just maybe, he has some sort of chance with everything; it makes him feel slightly better, but the thing that makes him feel much better is when he was cuddling up to Dean. I am also really bad at writing in third person in the first place so this may be extra sucky. Sam knows that is is beyond wrong to feel the way he does about his brother, but he can't help it. Dean knows that his Sammy is a danger to himself, but Dean had no idea how to prevent Sam from hurting himself anymore. Sam scrolls through all the most recent deaths and accidents in the area, but doesn't manage to find anything that sounds remotely like something they would have usually had to deal with. Dean's eyes widen when he sees Sam holding his head and squeezing his eyes shut. Alistair is still dead only because I don't like the bugger. He's never going to be mine because he deserves so much better than me. John and Azazel may or may not be dead - Lilith may pop up from time to time. Dean is still scared, and that isn't about to change any time soon. Of course you don't. It helps Dean know what he can say that won't set Sam off on an anger rampage or something, but, sometimes, even just knowing what not to say doesn't really help and Dean sets Sam off unintentionally. That night is hard for Dean. He doesn't see Sam anywhere, but he can see that the bathroom door is shut and that there is a light on in there. Sam walks over to Dean and grabs his hand, pulling him from the small crowd and watches him stumble. He heads to the motel room's bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror, repulsed at what he sees. Dean watches Sam's face carefully for any sign of pain, and is surprised as he sees a small smile appear on Sam's face. Ruby is not dead. This is one unknown to Dean; Sam's feelings towards his brother. I'm not worth him and his time. Lucifer is free from hell. Sam looks over at Dean, instantly regretting it when he see that Dean is only wearing a towel around his waist. Little did Dean know that Sam is listening to every single word that Dean was saying. {PARAGRAPH}While we've done our best to make the core functionality of this site accessible without javascript, it will work better with it enabled. He kicks the door open and horror washes over him as he sees Sam laying on the ground, blood pooling around Sam and an empty pill container near him. Sam chuckles at Dean's expression and rolls his eyes fondly. Please consider turning it on! Sam doesn't reply and Dean backs away from the door. I never tell you anything so why would you? Dean bangs on the door again and, this time, hears a small noise. After a couple more minutes of looking, the bathroom door opens and Dean walks out. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Sam, unconscious, with blood under his arm, and the empty pill container just laying there. Sam and Dean go through round, after round, after round of shots during the night and, somehow, Sam drives the two of them back to the motel. He knows that he doesn't need to deal with that at the moment. Sam pulls Dean over to the bar and they sit down, Sam instantly downing the rest of his beer. He throws up all of the pills he swallowed and rests his head against the glass surrounding the shower as Dean cleans Sam's cuts and sews up his arm. They have hunted and killed many supernatural creatures, but there is one creature that Sam and Dean haven't been able to kill. This story is a boyxboy and a wincest fanfiction that may have smut in it depending on me. Sam sees girls all over a half scared Dean and decides to help.
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